While divorce is certainly not rare in today’s society, it is still not an easy subject to discuss with your spouse. In every case, however, there comes the point at which the spouse who has made the ultimate decision to end the marriage must communicate that choice to the other partner. The way you tell your spouse that you want a divorce will set the tone for not only the dissolution of marriage process but also the rest of your relationship which, if you have children together, could last for many years to come.
Be Absolutely Certain
Before you can inform your spouse that you are pursuing a divorce, you must be totally sure that is what you want. It is not fair to your spouse—or yourself—to break the news to your partner only to change your mind or let him or her talk you of it. If you think you are headed for a divorce and would like to have that conversation instead, by all means, do so, but do not start the conversation by declaring the marriage is over and then backtracking.
Find a Good Setting
You will need to choose your timing and location carefully. If at possible, avoid adding your divorce to other major life events, such as the loss of a job, the diagnosis of a serious illness, or the death of a close family member. From a practical standpoint, select a time and place where you will be able to have an honest, albeit difficult, conversation. Make arrangements to have your children stay somewhere else for a night or two and turn off your cell phone. The discussion at hand must be the focus for both of you.
Be Empathetic and Respectful
If you have reached the conclusion that divorce is the next step, you may be well ahead of your spouse. You have likely had a great deal of time to process all of your questions and to make tentative decisions about the future. Your spouse is not as likely to have done the same. Therefore, his or her reaction may be one of shock, disbelief, anger, betrayal, or any combination of these or other emotions. Be respectful and polite but firm in your words. Stick to the facts and avoid making personal attacks, even if you believe they are true.
Stick to the Big Picture
When your marriage has reached the point that divorce is a possibility, your spouse may have suspected this conversation was coming, but that does not necessarily make it any easier. During the first discussion about your decision, the little details do not matter very much. You will have many other opportunities to negotiate a plan regarding your property and children later. For now, worry about yourselves and your own emotions.
Speak With a Lawyer
An experienced Orland Park divorce attorney can help you prepare to break the news to your spouse about your decision to divorce. Contact Kezy & Associates today to get the guidance and answers you need at a difficult time. Call 708-518-8200 for a free, no-obligation consultation.